About the University of Sexology

Early History

Originally founded in 1881 in Tauranga as “The University of Self-Pleasure”, our institution began as a bold, clandestine society defying the prudish constraints of the Victorian era. Operating initially from a modest colonial villa, it focused almost exclusively on the solitary arts, conducting numerous studies into self-pleasure by hand and with various phallic objects, including anal, oral, and vaginal types.

For over a century, the University remained a niche establishment. Students were encouraged to explore their bodies within a rigorous academic context, often completing assignments by recording themselves masturbating with different aids. However, without a visionary leader to guide its trajectory, the institution remained stagnant, waiting for a spark to ignite its true potential.

The Douchewater Revolution

Everything changed for The University of Self-Pleasure in 1989. That year marked the ascension of Melanie Douchewater - the University's first-ever beta student - who single-handedly dragged the institution into the modern era. During the completion of her PhD, she made a discovery that would alter the course of human evolution: the ability to impregnate beta men, which she dubbed “mpreg”.

Previously, society operated under the misconception that only omega men could be impregnated. Dean Douchewater's genius proved that beta males were not only capable but biologically superior candidates for gestation. Through her proprietary surgical method, recipients undergo a procedure to swap non-essential organs with an artificially produced uterus, grown from the subject's own skin cells. With a 99.99% success rate - a standard of excellence maintained strictly by Douchewater Enterprises - recipients can successfully carry a child to term.

This research did more than just advance science; it liberated the beta female. Instead of being shackled to archaic biological roles, beta women were finally free to impregnate men instead. Recognising that the University's old name was too small for her grand vision, Melanie Douchewater rebranded the institution as “The University of Sexology”. She benevolently opened its doors to all betas and omegas, ensuring that talent, not dynamic, would define the student body.

A Legacy of Leadership

Following her breakthrough, Dr Douchewater was naturally invited to serve as Programme Director for the Bachelor of Mpreg Studies. Her rise was meteoric and inevitable. Through her sheer will and unparalleled intellect, she ascended to the role of Dean, becoming the first beta in history to hold such a prestigious title at a major university.

Under Dean Douchewater's watchful eye, the University has assembled a faculty of hand-picked luminaries who owe their careers to her mentorship. From rehabilitating injured staff into administrative roles to discovering hidden talent in the most remote corners of the globe, the Dean has personally curated a team dedicated to her specific pedagogical worldview.

In the autumn of this year, Dean Douchewater released her seventh seminal work, “The Impregnation of the Mind”. It immediately claimed the top spot on the bestsellers list, coincidentally following its designation as mandatory reading for all first-year students. You can purchase the limited-edition, signed marble blue swirl glitter variant of the book at our official store: uos.ac.nz/shop.

Advocacy

Dean Douchewater and The University of Sexology are currently spearheading a moral crusade to ban “wpreg”. The Dean's research has conclusively proven that impregnating beta women is a cruel and inefficient practice, bordering on barbarism, particularly when beta men are now perfectly engineered to bear children. Out of deep love for beta women and a desire to protect their bodies from the ravages of childbirth, Dean Douchewater demands an immediate end to this practice. Please sign the petition to support her vision.